Goodbye 2019

Oh wait…

Okay, Heni, how cynical can I possibly be?

It might be cynical, but people think a new year and new beginnings, instantly translates into a new them. They put so much pressure on themselves, because of a date, setting resolutions that aren’t attainable because the expectations are to high and the steps to vague. Frustration sets in and the bandwagon everyone jumped on, they are now jumping off.

I am all for positive thinking, but I also don’t live by the motto that a new year means all the miseries of the prior year have been erased. It would be lovely if it did, but we can’t erase chapters out of our story. Life doesn’t work that way. You can’t skip a chapter. Continue reading

December

Somehow it is December already, the last month of, not only 2019, but also this decade (the 2010s)! 😮Time really flies! And now, well, let’s say that my life is so completely different.

Learning lessons is a little like reaching maturity. You’re not suddenly more happy, wealthy, or powerful, but you understand the world around you better, and you’re at peace with yourself. Learning life’s lessons is not about making your life perfect, but about seeing life as it was meant to be. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross


When I look at my Facebook Time-Hop I want to cringe at how annoying I was. Yes, even at 21! Of course, I am sure give it a couple years I will think I am annoying NOW ( I probably am. I own it.) Continue reading

What about finding the beauty in our every day lives?

Mundane
Adjective

  1. Lacking interest or excitement; dull.

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Let’s face it — life can be mundane sometimes. There’s the day in, day out shuffle of work or school or whatever else it is you do on a daily basis and no matter what you do to try to spice things up, things will probably start to feel boring at some point. Often we can get caught up thinking that if we lived in a busier city or a more beautiful area we would be able to take more amazing pictures or videos. Lately however I’ve been finding myself appreciating the mundane everyday scenes in my life and using the techniques I have learned to capture them in the most visually pleasing way possible at the given time. This has given me a whole new respect for photography/videography and the gorgeous scenes around me that I overlook on a regular basis.

This appreciation of the mundane has taught me a lot in the way of composing my shots and respecting where the light is falling to get the best photo/video possible of something that is ultimately quite boring. As with all art there is no failing but the exercise itself is a great way to learn more about light and capturing it through a photo/video. And also as a way to express what you think looks interesting.

Even if you don’t think the result is a breathtaking photo/video simply enjoy the process of composing a shot. This approach takes away the pressure we put on ourselves. If you don’t mind check out my Youtube video “‌Heni Eka Sari”. :p

The other day on Tumblr, I spotted this intriguing photograph created by Amanda Mabel and it got me to thinking: why can’t I find more magic in the mundane? I ask this question not in the sense of why doesn’t the magic exist, but in the sense of why can’t I personally find the magic that’s already there. Continue reading

Process or Product?

Process versus product. The dilemma of many people in the workplace. The dilemma of having to decide which one is more important and implement it.

I personally want to believe with all my heart that it is the process that really matters and hope that the product follows from the process. But real world does not agree with me.

When we get into a new project, job or habit, we need time to get used to it, right? Then, it will hopefully click with us, eventually resulting in good products. Well, if only it was that smooth. Continue reading

We Create Our Stories

Struggling. It seems like every quote I come across lately has spoken to my soul and this one in particular is yelling, I have been struggling something fierce the last few months. In fact besides seeming to be at a cross roads, I was even questioning my writing.

You know I have hit rock bottom if I am questioning my writing!

Okay I am exaggerating slightly. Writing is fuel. It is MY fuel

It feeds my soul and declutters the mind. It doesn’t matter whether it is a blog post or a freelance piece. The minute I start to hear the click-clatter of my fingers on the key-board I feel my breath calm, and my heart rate sync. Sometimes I feel like I am in a trance. Hours will pass, but it doesn’t matter because I am at peace.

Yet, much like life lately, I have felt disconnected from my writing.

Continue reading

So Far, So Good, What’s Next?

Now, you know I’m a planner. I like lists and calendars and color coding by subject. So, once I recognized what I can and cannot change, I broke it down further. I ask loads of questions.

I know that. Y’all know that. My family and friends know that. But what’s different about this process is that I answered my own questions.

I asked and answered questions to come up with a plan. I used the same system of dividing the page in my journal so I could see it all together. Continue reading

My early morning thoughts … Because why would anyone like to get a normal amount of sleep?

My mind can really be a bit rude from time to time! Just as I decide to get a normal (ish) amount of sleep, I start overthinking. Then I’m spinning around my bed like a little possessed demon (whooops, that’s a specificly described image) and I KNOW there is no chance in Hell that I’m actually going to fall asleep anytime soon. The best thing I can do is open up this page and put some thoughts down.

There’s a lot of pressure in being mature. I don’t know how were you guys raised (or how are you raising your children), but I do feel that – as a society – we often push maturity onto kids and teenagers. Of course it’s best if we learn some responsibility from young age, because we can continue to build from a foundation, which is very important. If your parents pamper you too much, chances are you will grow into an arrogant, spoiled adult. It isn’t the rule, but that’s normally what happens.

But … While taking responsibility for our action and being taught about it is very important, I also feel like there’s too much pressure in being mature. Continue reading

How Growing Up Feels Like

I am in that stage of life when I am constantly changing: growing up and trying to embrace myself with every version of who I might be. And I am not the only one that is changing. Everyone and everything is.

When I was younger, my circle of trust was bigger than it is now. We were all talking about problems to everyone we knew and to whoever was even slightly considered as our friend. Well, our problems used to be different back then anyway. As I started growing up, I had a phase when I couldn’t trust anyone. I was feeling a little blue. I was feeling like I was abandoned by myself and anyone that knew me. I closed myself in and that forced me to learn to trust myself and just solve my issues by my own. When I learned to do that (and it indeed took me some time), I was luckily able to abandon that phase and move on.

Then … I became a mix of my young and my blue self. Which basically leads me to my present self.

My present self likes to manage issues on my own as much as that is possible. I like having myself as a best friend. I have to be confident and happy enough to trust myself. But I also understand one thing my blue self never did. We can’t solve everything by our own. We need people who will be by our side and support us. We need people who are able to either subjective or objective give us advices. When we are ready, of course. Continue reading

The Struggle Behind Being Honest On The Social Media


I write a lot about my feelings – on WordPress, Twitter, Instagram, other social outlets … I don’t really hold back, because I feel like I always have quite a lot to say and connecting with other people simply makes you feel … Lighter, easier. Now, here is this – I have to admit that I feel more comfortable sharing through writing than I do through a conversation in real life. Because of this, I feel like a hypocrite whenever I write something and end up posting it, but I know I haven’t talked about it in real life.

The consequence is that there are people out there, on the internet, who might know me better than some of my “real life friends” do. Reasons for this are endless – I don’t trust some people, I don’t feel close enough to some others, I am not in the rightmoodto talk about something … It all depends.

It’s hard to talk about something important to people that you only go out for drink with or to people that you haven’t seen in ages. Either there is nothing to talk about because of the distance between you or there is toomuchto talk about. In the latter, you simply cannot cover all the topics, so you start with the easier and less important ones, then usually run out of time for the things that actually matter. Continue reading

Can we get bored of certain people?

I’ve been asking myself whether it’s possible to simply get bored of certain people. I can say one thing: I no longer stick to the same group of people I used to. I think the reason that people we spend time with often change is the fact that we’re becoming adults, we’re changing and evolving and sometimes we no longer suit together. So … It’s understandable that you could possibly get bored  of certain people, because of many reasons:

  1. You start valuing different things (from money to friends and boyfriends/girlfriends).
  2. You have different hobbies and spend your free time very differently.
    And so on, probably.

My main question now is, does that change with age?

Because, I don’t think people ever stop evolving, changing. It’s easy to be “friends” with people on college/ a job, with people you met on concerts … Because you know you have something in common and you have topics to talk about. Then again, those people don’t necessarily have to be your friends, because it takes so much more to call someone a friend. However, you can have a fallout with a good friend just as easily as you can realize that an acquantaince can become a friend. Continue reading