This may sound silly to some but yes, self care guilt is a thing. I’ve experienced it for as long as I can remember. Taking care of me fully is a new concept in my world. I’ve always done things for me but I always did more for others.
There was a time when I thought that giving much of myself to everyone else was the right thing to do. I always seemed to have more of something than someone else who needed it. What I’ve come to realise though, is that no matter how much you give, it will never be enough. There will always be a hand outstretched once you’re willing to give.
Ultimately you are the only person responsible for making sure you’re okay. Not your friends, your spouse, your boss or anyone. I had a habit of always pegging my happiness on some one or some thing. It was always ‘if my boss would act right, I’d be so much happier’ or ‘if my husband or friend would only pay me the attention I deserve, I’d be much more content’.
You know, I envisioned this blog as my personal diary, a forum where I could dish out my most happy and saddest moments. Both my triumphs and tribulations. My expectations and grief. That has only partly come to fruition because guess what?
Writing about your life isn’t easy when others are peering in. It’s tough to be totally honest when you have friends, family and peers watching, reading and probably judging. It has turned out to be much harder than I thought it would be. Continue reading
Ok I’ll start.
1| A functioning body. You truly don’t appreciate this until you lose some aspect of it. As I get older I find myself more and more worried and afraid of death. Both for myself and my darling husband. Sometimes my mind races and I think ‘what will I do without him? What will he do without me?”. Unhealthy right? I know.
I’ve started working out regularly and eating healthier just to treat my body with the love and respect it needs. And I’ve laid off of the negative podcasts and entertainment. I do love a good true crime binge but I’ve come to realize it depresses me, makes me paranoid and the world generally looks so morbid after. Only plants for me these days, thank you!
2| Earning a living. I’ve been in the workforce since I was 20 years old. Through different programs then on to temporary roles then to more substantive permanent ones. I’d say though, that only within the past couple years, have I been truly enjoying what I’m doing for a living. I’m still not at 100% on whether I’m there to stay but my outlook on work is more positive. Whether I remain in the corporate workforce or be my own boss remains to be seen. What I can say though is that I’m truly happy and grateful for these moments of true happiness. We all know there are ups and downs at work, but all in all, I’m happy. Continue reading
Between family, friends, work, and time for yourself do you ever feel like there’s just not enough time in a day? This is a constant uphill battle for some. This is the part of the day when I start thinking to myself, how can I be productive? Should I catch up on blog posts, work on my YouTube channel, or check-in with social media to see what’s trending?
This is also the part where my brain goes a million miles a second, and I become super motivated. I found that since I’m more productive during the wee hours of the night, I try to collect my ideas throughout the week then let my mind run wild come Friday and Saturday night.
During the week, my evenings consist of family time, and in the blink of an eye, its time for bed. Before you know it, my alarm is going off and back to work. It’s a shame that life gets so busy that the days of the week become one big blur, and at times you have to remind yourself to slow down just to remember what day it is.
Finding a good work-life balance is part of life. Some of us have conquered it, while others struggle with it. Whether it’s building a happy home, maintaining productivity at work, or creating time for a social life, finding a good balance can be tricky. Just remember that by letting the good Lord lead the way, anything is possible. Continue reading
My husband and I are quite lucky that we both work. For the most part, I can relate to what he’s going through and he feels the same way with my work as well. We talk about how we manage relationships at work, how we deal with clients, complain about difficult projects and celebrate when one of us scores a win.
I just thought about how we are to be in this position where we can relate to each other’s work and be able to actively engage in a discussion that’s more than surface-level chit chat about how was your day. It made me think about other couples and what work-related conversations they are having.
The more I thought about it, the more I came to realise how important it is to acknowledge, support and balance both parties’ power in a dual-career relationship such as ours. Relationships feel powerful when our partners see and support all of our work and life ambitions, not only those we share. It’s important we take time to be curious about your partner’s work and ambitions. Continue reading
If I say that my blog is a project I’ll probably slap myself silly because something you love deserves a far more better name than just a project. It is more of a long-lasting dream that has enabled me to put things on a small piece of the virtual world a bit more to my own degree, because here is where my creative spirit what it has been for years – and the author and columnist and actress and director and screenwriter and creative director and repertoire and costume designer and eternal child.
While I was in the process of transition to the world of “adult” and saving my desires at the bottom drawer, to wait for some braver and better days, I began to abandon my own dreams because when you reach a certain age they are considered as battling with windmills, the universe conspired and reminded me that in life only dreams make sense. Maybe he could have done it in a better and less painful way, but perhaps with such a stubbornness, it couldn’t go any other way.
Therefore, I give up on any questioning, seeking reasons, and playing a general after the battle. Continue reading
We’re onto the last week of the month of March already! How’s everyone holding up? I’m quite tired, to be honest. I don’t know what exactly to update on but I shall just mention whatever I can think of. The virus has taken over the world, and also all conversations. What did we all even talk about before? I can barely remember. I wonder what would be trending on Twitter if there was no coronavirus now.
Corona is groing crazy, and everything is shut down. This means a lot of us have to work from home. And let’s be honest, it’s a lot harder than you imagined. I mean who really wants to work while being at home. Many things have been happening in the world and I think we all could use a break from the news to just talk to each other and update on how we’re feeling/doing*.
Grab a hot cup of tea or coffee or any drink of your choice and settle down to hear some chatter from me.
*to keep things light, I will not be talking about the coronavirus situation itself, but all the talk will be about other things. We all need a break.
I could still feel those goosebumps I had when I heard your heart beats for the first time. From the moment we found out that you would soon be joining our life I felt so blessed, so thrilled! I can hardly believe that today you are One already.
It seems as though it was just yesterday that you were placed in my arms, though, and I know that you were always meant to be mine. I never knew growing old can be so mesmerizing, but you redefined it. And I must tell you that I love and enjoying every bit of it. I feel so complete. Continue reading
‘’I just want you to be happy.”
How many parents have uttered this line?
How many children have heard it?
When we say these words, are we setting up our children for a lifetime of disappointment?
What does it mean to be happy?
Tick- tick-tick precious seconds are accumulating as I’m waiting for you to come up with a sufficient answer…
What is happiness? How do we achieve it? Why do we want that one thing, above all others, for our children? What does it really mean when we say we want them to be happy?
First off- is anyone happy all the time? I know I’m not. We can’t be happy all the time. Our kids expect to be happy and when something takes work, or doesn’t end up according to plan, they get depressed. They wonder what is wrong with them – they wonder why they can’t be happy…because their parents just want them to be happy…and deep down no kid wants to disappoint their parents. Continue reading
Okay, Heni, how cynical can I possibly be?
It might be cynical, but people think a new year and new beginnings, instantly translates into a new them. They put so much pressure on themselves, because of a date, setting resolutions that aren’t attainable because the expectations are to high and the steps to vague. Frustration sets in and the bandwagon everyone jumped on, they are now jumping off.
I am all for positive thinking, but I also don’t live by the motto that a new year means all the miseries of the prior year have been erased. It would be lovely if it did, but we can’t erase chapters out of our story. Life doesn’t work that way. You can’t skip a chapter. Continue reading