My early morning thoughts … Because why would anyone like to get a normal amount of sleep?

My mind can really be a bit rude from time to time! Just as I decide to get a normal (ish) amount of sleep, I start overthinking. Then I’m spinning around my bed like a little possessed demon (whooops, that’s a specificly described image) and I KNOW there is no chance in Hell that I’m actually going to fall asleep anytime soon. The best thing I can do is open up this page and put some thoughts down.

There’s a lot of pressure in being mature. I don’t know how were you guys raised (or how are you raising your children), but I do feel that – as a society – we often push maturity onto kids and teenagers. Of course it’s best if we learn some responsibility from young age, because we can continue to build from a foundation, which is very important. If your parents pamper you too much, chances are you will grow into an arrogant, spoiled adult. It isn’t the rule, but that’s normally what happens.

But … While taking responsibility for our action and being taught about it is very important, I also feel like there’s too much pressure in being mature. Continue reading

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How Growing Up Feels Like

I am in that stage of life when I am constantly changing: growing up and trying to embrace myself with every version of who I might be. And I am not the only one that is changing. Everyone and everything is.

When I was younger, my circle of trust was bigger than it is now. We were all talking about problems to everyone we knew and to whoever was even slightly considered as our friend. Well, our problems used to be different back then anyway. As I started growing up, I had a phase when I couldn’t trust anyone. I was feeling a little blue. I was feeling like I was abandoned by myself and anyone that knew me. I closed myself in and that forced me to learn to trust myself and just solve my issues by my own. When I learned to do that (and it indeed took me some time), I was luckily able to abandon that phase and move on.

Then … I became a mix of my young and my blue self. Which basically leads me to my present self.

My present self likes to manage issues on my own as much as that is possible. I like having myself as a best friend. I have to be confident and happy enough to trust myself. But I also understand one thing my blue self never did. We can’t solve everything by our own. We need people who will be by our side and support us. We need people who are able to either subjective or objective give us advices. When we are ready, of course. Continue reading

The Struggle Behind Being Honest On The Social Media


I write a lot about my feelings – on WordPress, Twitter, Instagram, other social outlets … I don’t really hold back, because I feel like I always have quite a lot to say and connecting with other people simply makes you feel … Lighter, easier. Now, here is this – I have to admit that I feel more comfortable sharing through writing than I do through a conversation in real life. Because of this, I feel like a hypocrite whenever I write something and end up posting it, but I know I haven’t talked about it in real life.

The consequence is that there are people out there, on the internet, who might know me better than some of my “real life friends” do. Reasons for this are endless – I don’t trust some people, I don’t feel close enough to some others, I am not in the rightmoodto talk about something … It all depends.

It’s hard to talk about something important to people that you only go out for drink with or to people that you haven’t seen in ages. Either there is nothing to talk about because of the distance between you or there is toomuchto talk about. In the latter, you simply cannot cover all the topics, so you start with the easier and less important ones, then usually run out of time for the things that actually matter. Continue reading

Can we get bored of certain people?

I’ve been asking myself whether it’s possible to simply get bored of certain people. I can say one thing: I no longer stick to the same group of people I used to. I think the reason that people we spend time with often change is the fact that we’re becoming adults, we’re changing and evolving and sometimes we no longer suit together. So … It’s understandable that you could possibly get bored  of certain people, because of many reasons:

  1. You start valuing different things (from money to friends and boyfriends/girlfriends).
  2. You have different hobbies and spend your free time very differently.
    And so on, probably.

My main question now is, does that change with age?

Because, I don’t think people ever stop evolving, changing. It’s easy to be “friends” with people on college/ a job, with people you met on concerts … Because you know you have something in common and you have topics to talk about. Then again, those people don’t necessarily have to be your friends, because it takes so much more to call someone a friend. However, you can have a fallout with a good friend just as easily as you can realize that an acquantaince can become a friend. Continue reading

Hey, How Are You?

“Hey, how are you?” 

“I’m fine.”

How many times have you said this line? “I’m Fine.” I know I have said it multiple times. I always tell other people I’m fine whenever they ask me how I am. But it’s a lie. I read an article about the things we lie about everyday and “I’m fine” is one of them. 

Although I laughed out loud, I realised that I lie. I lie about my feelings to other people. Other people lie about their feelings to me. We all lie. We create this public persona that has to be a perfect. Why should other people know that I’m having a rough day? I want to be fun and cool, not the person who complains about their problems. This is what we all think.  Continue reading

Sense of being FREE

 What does “Being and feeling FREE mean ? “…I’ve been have having this question, unanswered for a very long time. In day to day life, we see and meet new people who perfectly finish their given task, as well as have time for fun, even in between those pressure filled situations.

Does that mean people who handle stressful situation well are all ‘feeling free’ all the time ?

In the game of running behind success and getting hold of recognition, people seem to be happy and enjoy their every moment in life. Then, does that mean they are all feeling “free” by doing whatever they wish and whatever pleases them ? Continue reading

Getting My Groove Back

I’m not much of a people person. I never have been. I enjoy my alone time. Solitude. It’s what makes me tick. I enjoy being by myself. I accomplish so much when I am left to my own devices. When there are others around, I tend to get caught up in never-ending conversations, and other things that distract me from being productive.

The internet has caused me to be unproductive. I’ve spent too much time on social media as of late, and the negativity has pulled me down into a black hole. I normally just let it roll off me like water off a duck’s back, but eventually, the accumulation of negative bullshit starts eating away at me and I react. Sometimes I over-react. That’s just how I’m wired. I can’t seem to control it.

This time, I took some time away from the negative posts and the people that post them. Back to solitude, the joy of being alone. The internet and the connection with others is grand, however, it becomes too crowded at times. Too many opinions, too much division, hatred, and misinformation. Continue reading

Testing, testing… 1,2,3. Hello February?

This is more a reminder for me than an update for anybody else. Life is pretty hectic at the moment and I need to remind myself that I also have this blog.

Let’s be honest some days you just aren’t feeling it we just don’t have it in us to kill it and really who says we have to? We were not created to be constantly seeking, doing, searching or forcing. There is no shame in wanting and needing a break. sometimes your soul absolutely deserves it.

There will always be a time when you feel like shit, when your energy will be depleted; when you will revel in feeling sorry for yourself ;  when you literally may want to set your entire life on fire and watch it burn. Do you think having these moments or thoughts makes you a bad person? They sure as hell do not.

There really is nothing sexy or appealing about perfection. Own your energy, revel in your mess. Do the very best with whatever you are given. The world does not need you picture perfect and and prim and proper. The world needs your rawness, the uncut and unedited version. Continue reading

I Can Survive Anything

Okay. So here we are again. I don’t really know what this post will be about yet but I had the “urge” or need to write for over a week now. At first, I had another topic in mind, which eventually never happened because I either was too tired or afraid to write it down – you never know who will read your blog in the end and how they’ll see you afterwards. I concluded that I can’t force specific topics and issues, so whenever I feel to write or talk about something, I will do it. And if I just want to ramble, I will do it.

And today I will ramble and probably talking a lot of nonsense. This is just because I have so much going on. I can feel my mood swinging very often and just be mentally exhausted. I know for a fact that I am not physically tired, even though I rarely get my 8 hours sleep. Sometimes I’m just tired of having to function, to work, socialize, walk around or even send a simple message via WhatsApp. I don’t know which is worse; being in a room full of people, or being alone with my thoughts. Both are debilitating. I could stay in bed all day and still be tired. Tired and unsatisfied.

It’s been a while since I journaled. How have I been doing? Really well, thanks for asking. It’s been hella busy, but I’m handling things better than I thought I would.

I did have a meltdown in the beginning of the year when I was suddenly hit with all the shit I had to do. I felt myself sinking, and I thought I wouldn’t be able to get out.

But I did. I always do. Continue reading

Take Control

Photo from here

I can honestly say that November/December has been quite a bittersweet month for me. It has been ripe with financial mishaps, tons of work stress and various other happenings that would make a really juicy telenovela…Life.

Let’s just say that I have not been my most vibrant, positive self. I am often disappointed that I am not Wonder Woman and as a result, I can’t fix all the problems of the world. Is that a trait of all women or just my overly obsessive gemini moon tendencies?

I found myself in desperate need of a spiritual pick me up. It is a  work in progress. I decided to share this with you because I love spreading good vibes and you like me may be tired, stressed or just need a little boost.

Here are mine…

Continue reading