Hope, In Times of Darkness

Some time ago, I had gone through something that nearly pushed me over the edge. It was something that I never expected, nor had any idea how to deal with. Someone very close to my heart made some bad decisions and threw her own life into a chaotic whirlpool, at the same time turning my life upside down.

This post is not about that person or the events that took place but rather the effect it had on me and my own life.

I had never in my life been so depressed. Not many people knew, just family and very close friends. I couldn’t talk about it without crying. I couldn’t go anywhere without crying. I couldn’t think straight. I couldn’t focus. I wasn’t able to sleep. I couldn’t eat. I was in a daze. Continue reading

Testing, testing… 1,2,3. Hello February?

This is more a reminder for me than an update for anybody else. Life is pretty hectic at the moment and I need to remind myself that I also have this blog.

Let’s be honest some days you just aren’t feeling it we just don’t have it in us to kill it and really who says we have to? We were not created to be constantly seeking, doing, searching or forcing. There is no shame in wanting and needing a break. sometimes your soul absolutely deserves it.

There will always be a time when you feel like shit, when your energy will be depleted; when you will revel in feeling sorry for yourself ;  when you literally may want to set your entire life on fire and watch it burn. Do you think having these moments or thoughts makes you a bad person? They sure as hell do not.

There really is nothing sexy or appealing about perfection. Own your energy, revel in your mess. Do the very best with whatever you are given. The world does not need you picture perfect and and prim and proper. The world needs your rawness, the uncut and unedited version. Continue reading

Saham Untuk Pemula: Hal-Hal Yang Perlu Kamu Tahu!

Postingan pertama tahun 2019!

Hai hai…akhirnya hadir kembali di blog ini. Demi tercapainya resolusi 2019 untuk lebih banyak bikin #PostinganBerfaedah, mari awali tulisan kali ini dengan membahas yang rada berbobot dikit. Untuk kamu followers saya di Twitter dan Instagram mungkin tahu kalo beberapa waktu lalu saya sempat menulis cuitan di Twitter dan postingan Instagram Stories tentang saham. Rupanya dari sini dapet feedback yang gag saya duga. Banyak pertanyaan dan berbagai respon seputar postingan saya itu.

Pic from here

Nah! Untuk menjawab semua itu, sesuai hasil voting, maka pembahasan seputar saham akan saya tulis di sini ya. Saya akan berusaha menjelaskan sesederhana mungkin agar mudah dimengerti. Sekali lagi, di sini posisi saya bukan sebagai ahli ekonomi atau pakar yang ahli banget ya, saya pun juga terus belajar dari waktu ke waktu. Apa yang saya bagi sesuai dengan pengalaman saya sendiri, jadi mungkin kamu bisa pakai ini sebagai tambahan referensi aja biar pikiranmu lebih terbuka. Tentunya kamu juga harus cari-cari referensi lain yang lebih relevan ya untuk menunjang informasi yang saya sampaikan.

Baiklah mari kita mulai, ehem! Continue reading

Take Control

Photo from here

I can honestly say that November/December has been quite a bittersweet month for me. It has been ripe with financial mishaps, tons of work stress and various other happenings that would make a really juicy telenovela…Life.

Let’s just say that I have not been my most vibrant, positive self. I am often disappointed that I am not Wonder Woman and as a result, I can’t fix all the problems of the world. Is that a trait of all women or just my overly obsessive gemini moon tendencies?

I found myself in desperate need of a spiritual pick me up. It is a  work in progress. I decided to share this with you because I love spreading good vibes and you like me may be tired, stressed or just need a little boost.

Here are mine…

Continue reading

Add a Little Zen

Hi there lovelies,

It has been a while since I have been in this space. These past few months have been a mishmash of all things crazy. Highs and lows and everything in between. I found myself feeling quite uninspired and literally wanting to take a nap until the year ends.

When I find myself feeling off-balance I always look for ways to get myself centered again because I am totally useless to those nearest and dearest to me when I am not functioning at my peak. Let’s face it none of us are. Life can just throw you some curve balls but you just have to take the hit and keep on moving.’ Continue reading

It’s Okay To Feel Lost In Your Twenties

Growing up, I always thought that I’d be happy when I reached my twenties. It seemed like such a grown-up number. People in their twenties were young, carefree… They could do whatever they wanted whenever they wanted because they were adults. Parents couldn’t tell them what to do anymore.

Since reaching this oh-so-magical time in my life, I realise that things are a bit more complicated than I initially thought they would be. Even though I really hate using the term “complicated” to describe life, you should all know it’s accurate, nevertheless. The reality is that we can’t just waltz off and do whatever we want. We all have responsibilities – and if we don’t have responsibilities, we need money to get anywhere. This was something I never had to think about as a child. I don’t think I would have been able to understand it, anyway.

So here I am, in my late twenties, wondering if I’m living my life wrong. Deep down I still think that I should be happy simply because I’m supposedly “grown-up” and young. I think this feeling is often reinforced by other members of society – particularly, though not always, an older crowd that has the best of intentions.

I don’t understand where the concept of being carefree in your twenties even comes from. At this point in time, we’re still trying to figure out what we want from life and how to go about getting it. At times, we question the decisions we’ve made – should we have chosen differently? Continue reading

Hey There!

Hey there, lonely soul. Hello. Welcome to my mind. Well, maybe you’re not so lonely. Maybe you’re curious. Or you want to read something. Or you’re just bored. Maybe you’re here for the first time. Maybe you’re trying to judge me. Maybe you want to know me. Maybe you’re just trying to get through unread posts on your reader.

Well, so here we are. In my mind. I’ll give you a tour, eh? I won’t take you everywhere. Just where it’s safe. And I don’t have to worry about you prying around, either. So go ahead. Picture my mind any way you want. Let’s go down this lane.

It’s a battle keeping up with these word prompts. A battle with time. And my mind.

I have so much to do. And I want to read more, too. And I have to think about what I’m going to do with my life. Also, I’ve set unrealistic goals for the weekend (again) which shall go unfulfilled (again) and that shall leave me annoyed. It’s not my fault. The mind has been whispering. Doubts, fears.

The mind is uneasy. Everyday is another battle. To keep that balance between thinking and not think.

I want to exercise. Mind, soul and body. I want to get up earlier and be productive.

I want a change of routine. I want this endless road to bend. I want something that would excite me, something that would inspire. My words have been kind to me. Never do they leave the mind. I have been neglecting them, I know. They have been starting to get quite difficult of late. They, too, want a change of expression. Rebellious, ungrateful. They never even realize how much I do for them. However, ‘I’  in turn must not be ungrateful. They are a blessing, they could be taken away any time. I must cherish them.

It is another battle to see the same people every day, to disagree on the same things, to put up with the same ignorance and backwardness and still be nice. Apart from family, and that too only the most direct relations, how much sooner one tires of human company than of anything else. Cats, independent, detached creatures, infinitely cleverer than us (Though only metaphorically).

It is also a battle to be good. Evil tempts you. No matter how much one tries to purify one’s heart, it will always remain contaminated. No matter how much you try, you have been too infected. It is a battle to be kind. Especially those who don’t deserve it. But God knows you’re a monster inside, and if you start classifying and judging people, He could call you out on it.

It’s a battle to be. Continue reading

Ar-Rahman Ar-Rahim

I woke up on the wrong side of the bed today. I say this because it was a perfectly ordinary morning yet I feel so disappointed within. Its noon now and my mind is filled with negativity. It is one of those days when one wakes up and all of their life’s struggles and worst memories hit them like a storm. And the heart’s spirit sinks so low, there seems to be no hope of hope dwelling in it again. At such times, all one wants to do is talk to someone about it all. Just that. Be heard.

But time plays a cruel joke and one is left all alone, just on that very particular day, everyone needed seems to be busy with their life. It is quite ironic that when one wants to be left alone, they are flooded with suggestions, sympathies and empty words of comfort yet when one really needs them, they are left alone to deal with their misery. Such are the times when some realize the power of the Almighty. Continue reading

Don’t Play God. Don’t Judge Too Much.

Belum lama ini, saya curi-curi dengar obrolan beberapa orang di meja makan sebelah di salah satu tempat makan di Semarang. Salah satu cewek di kelompok itu bilang begini, “Rumah dia kemalingan pasti karena kurang banyak sedekahnya!”

Saya cukup kaget mendengarnya. Orang kena musibah kok, bukannya bersimpati malah dituduh yang bukan-bukan? Lagipula, dia itu kan bukan Tuhan, maka dari mana dia bisa tahu segala-galanya tentang amal-ibadah temannya itu?

Percakapan mereka mengingatkan saya dengan salah satu teman lama. Saat orang lain tertimpa musibah, dia akan langsung bilang, “Itu karmanya dia karena bla bla bla.” Tapi saat gantian dia sendiri yang sedang punya masalah, dengan entengnya dia cuma bilang, “Kesabaran saya sedang diuji sama Tuhan.” Continue reading

Cool Stuffs You Can Say When You’re Older

never-too-old-to-rock_o_3848557

Pic from here

Seriously, getting old is not always scary at all. There are many cool stuffs that you only can say out loud after you have enough experiences to say so (read: after you’re getting older!).

You need me to give you some examples? Here we go!

When you’re in an important meeting and you’ve got to introduce yourself, “Hi, I’m Heni. I have more than 2 years working experiences at bla bla bla.” The longer you’ve worked, the more awesome it sounds. Continue reading