You Don’t Have to Like Me

Some days I feel alone, other-days I’d rather be alone. Some days I want to move out and make friends, other days I question these things, do I have to? does it matter?

I really do love my space, I have few friends. I have never been scared of being alone, it gets lonely sometimes but I don’t mind anymore, am I becoming a recluse  because I find myself not even caring for company, the only company I really want isn’t available and I just can’t bring myself to invite other people to my corner. Continue reading

I Can Survive Anything

Okay. So here we are again. I don’t really know what this post will be about yet but I had the “urge” or need to write for over a week now. At first, I had another topic in mind, which eventually never happened because I either was too tired or afraid to write it down – you never know who will read your blog in the end and how they’ll see you afterwards. I concluded that I can’t force specific topics and issues, so whenever I feel to write or talk about something, I will do it. And if I just want to ramble, I will do it.

And today I will ramble and probably talking a lot of nonsense. This is just because I have so much going on. I can feel my mood swinging very often and just be mentally exhausted. I know for a fact that I am not physically tired, even though I rarely get my 8 hours sleep. Sometimes I’m just tired of having to function, to work, socialize, walk around or even send a simple message via WhatsApp. I don’t know which is worse; being in a room full of people, or being alone with my thoughts. Both are debilitating. I could stay in bed all day and still be tired. Tired and unsatisfied.

It’s been a while since I journaled. How have I been doing? Really well, thanks for asking. It’s been hella busy, but I’m handling things better than I thought I would.

I did have a meltdown in the beginning of the year when I was suddenly hit with all the shit I had to do. I felt myself sinking, and I thought I wouldn’t be able to get out.

But I did. I always do. Continue reading

LESSONS LEARNED FROM 2 YEARS OF MARRIAGE

Last month marked 2 years of being married to my wonderful husband and I am so thankful to be his wife. Our first 2 years of marriage was interesting and challenging. Marriage brought out our best strengths and weaknesses.

It doesn’t matter whether you dated 3 weeks or 7 years before getting married, your spouse will constantly surprise you with something new.

So here’s a little breakdown of what I’ve learned so far. Continue reading

Pregnancy Journey: I’m Pregnant + My First Trimester Story

Ok, so this blog comes a little late. I’m now 13 weeks and 2 days pregnant, meaning I’m well into my second trimester. That’s right guys!!! I’m pregnant! I can’t even tell you how relieved I am just share this news with all of you. I don’t know if you noticed over the past few months, but I kept talking on Instagram story.

So today, I thought I’d share an honest little recap of what my first trimester was like.

It took us almost 2 years to get pregnant and stay pregnant. Typing it out right now, that number doesn’t seem very long. I mean, most chapters of life—whether school-related, professional or personal—last longer than that. And I know that many couples battle to get pregnant for years and years and years, and a number like 2 might be laughable to them.

But I will say that those years were the longest of my life. We started out how most couples start out: “not not trying.” And when nothing happened, we started “trying trying.” You know: taking vitamins, altering lifestyles, etc. And when nothing came from that, we kind of just floated along, too scared to take the next step.

The darkest part of the journey, though, was my miscarriage last year. Continue reading

Lately

 

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Life is crazy, y’all.

Almost every time that I talk to someone, the conversation goes something like this-

“Hey! How are you?”

“TIRED”.

The fact that I haven’t posted here in 22 days is enough to tell you that life is starting to swallow me a bit.

I feel like I haven’t been super active here in the blogging world lately, and although you may know a bit about what I’ve been up to lately if you follow me on Twitter or Instagram (there’s some shameless self-promo for ya), I thought that I’d do a little wrap-up here on the blog of what life’s been looking like lately. ♥

Continue reading

Adult Life: My Work and Everything in Between

Today I just wanted to write about work and some essential down time. I absolutely love my job, but technically it falls under the ‘maintenance and assurance’ sector for the telecommunication company and well, we all know that means  our busiest sector and I feel like I spend all my time at work but this means it’s even more important for me to make some time for myself.

I work at least 51 hours a week, so obviously for me, I will never find balance in terms of hours spent, but that’s a common problem, so for me it’s more about how I’m feeling and what makes me happy. I’m so lucky that I enjoy what I do, not everyone has that luxury, but having some time to unwind is key to keeping myself sane. Continue reading

Goodbye My Little One

Here I am, writing something I never thought I would have to, feeling something I never thought I would feel. Now, I look back on this day with such bittersweet feelings.

No one ever talks about miscarriages. I had no idea how many of my friends had been through this, until it happened to me.
I recently kept the three positive pregnancy tests that had gazed at me each morning for the past six weeks. I don’t know why I didn’t throw them out sooner. Maybe it’s because they were a reminder to me that I was able to get pregnant. Maybe I just wasn’t able to let go of the reminder that I once was. Continue reading

Thoughts On Turning 27

 

4 days ago I turned 27 years old. CRAP. I am old. I am officially in my upper-mid-20s. Not my upper 20s. There is a difference, darn it. I am now far closer to 30 than I am to 21. (Major sad face).

I took a bit of a social media break whilst I was away, choosing to enjoy spending time with family rather than obsessing over what was happening on social media. I find it all too easy to become overwhelmed by what everyone else is doing, how they seem to be training more, having more fun, be happier,  have more travel experiences etc.

I believe that with every birthday, you have the chance to start over again. You can make it your own ‘new year’, so this year I’ll be focusing on enjoying the things I have, working on the things that are important to me and cultivating my relationships. I’m not where I thought I’d be at this age, but where I am is pretty darn good. I feel happy to be making a career change to do something I feel really passionate about, and I love having this little blog to chat with you guys. I’ve got some big decisions to make new project. I want to be an entrepreneur! If there’s anything this current situation has taught me, it’s that If I can make money my own entrepreneurial way, I will never be unemployed, and some plans to lay down. Wish me luck! Continue reading

DEEP SEA FISHING & A MINI TROPICAL ISLAND ESCAPE TO PULAU GEDE

So many conversations that I have been part of have involved fishing, and in little ways, the rebel in me started to resent it a little. I was unprepared for how choppy the water was and as the boat rocked back and forth with each passing wave, I felt both exhilarated and dizzy.

I didn’t want to add to the count of newbies that venture off for their first trip and spend half the time hurling their breakfast into the sea or hunched in a corner wishing they had stayed on dry land. To ease into it, I shut my eyes and quickly counted numbers out of order because it is hard for the brain to panic while doing so, and that seemed to work perfectly fine in keeping seasickness at bay. Later, Iting explained that another trick was to shut one eye and look out onto the horizon, something to do with the reason pirates stereotypically have an eye patch. You could even take certain medication to help your stomach hold firm. Continue reading

Me Time: Then and Now

Pic from here

A couple months ago, I challenged myself about making more time for ourselves and the activities we enjoy. I realized how our own happiness is essential if we want to adequately care for our spouse, our homes, our careers, etc. We can’t neglect our own needs, passions, hobbies, and favorite pastimes for too long; otherwise we’ll become tired, grumpy, cynical, and even physically ill.

Can anyone relate?

For  examples, we can make more time for ourselves, do more of the things we enjoy, and (as a result) live happier, more fulfilling lives.

Shopping for an afternoon sounds like pure torture, going to a busy restaurant or coffee shop to pay 5 times more for something that I could make in the comfort of my own home just seems like a waste of time and money.

Yes, I realize how insane this might sound to some (many) of you; but the idea of going on a weekend retreat or a coffee date just to “get away” sounds insane to me. What do I want to “get away” from? I LOVE being home!

Why I rarely ever feel the need for traditional forms of “me time” (especially since I got married!)

What I realized is that I actually DO enjoy “me time”… but my “me time” is often spent on everyday tasks that so many others want to get away from. Continue reading