So Far, So Good, What’s Next?

Now, you know I’m a planner. I like lists and calendars and color coding by subject. So, once I recognized what I can and cannot change, I broke it down further. I ask loads of questions.

I know that. Y’all know that. My family and friends know that. But what’s different about this process is that I answered my own questions.

I asked and answered questions to come up with a plan. I used the same system of dividing the page in my journal so I could see it all together. Continue reading

Motherhood & Work: How I Survive

I am not a supermom. Supermom doesn’t exist in my house. I’m a juggler. A multi-tasker. A problem-solver. But I’m not a “Supermom” — or this idea of a woman unharmed by the stress of working motherhood.

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As a lot of working moms know, being an “everything mom” (as I call it) comes at the expense of my own mental health. Stress is among the leading causes of physical and emotional health decline in the realm of motherhood, and yet we continue to pour ourselves into everything we do like unintentional martyrs — because it’s expected of us. Continue reading

Making Conscious Choices

Some days I am in a good place, some days I am not. Today is one of those days I am not.

I haven’t had a lot of good days lately, sigh, I am so tired. I don’t believe I am not a fun person, I try not to get attached easily and definitely not impulsive, so that’s why I keep asking myself how I got here. I have always been saving myself from experiencing the things I feel right now, I am so upset and it makes me angry that I am.

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So why do I feel like the weight of the world is on my shoulders, I find it hard to cry, tears won’t come, I am so tired. This is the part where I go numb and say fuck it. I probably don’t make sense to you right now, that’s the point. Continue reading

Another Life Update

Wow, the universe has really been testing me lately, persistent in making sure that I go solo and ride the waves of instability – all the while standing on my own two left feet, juggling all kinds of shit. I’m no longer complaining. I know that with every hardship comes a valuable lesson. It’s true that self discovery and self love is a journey, with no destination; I may as well as enjoy it.

This is great. My break is still ongoing with still so many more days (actually weeks!) left and I almost feel like I’m getting a chance to reconnect with myself again. Continue reading

Hope, In Times of Darkness

Some time ago, I had gone through something that nearly pushed me over the edge. It was something that I never expected, nor had any idea how to deal with. Someone very close to my heart made some bad decisions and threw her own life into a chaotic whirlpool, at the same time turning my life upside down.

This post is not about that person or the events that took place but rather the effect it had on me and my own life.

I had never in my life been so depressed. Not many people knew, just family and very close friends. I couldn’t talk about it without crying. I couldn’t go anywhere without crying. I couldn’t think straight. I couldn’t focus. I wasn’t able to sleep. I couldn’t eat. I was in a daze. Continue reading

Turn the pages…

Life? What exactly is life? There is so much more in life than what we see. Life is beyond people we think are important, but they are not. Life is something we need to live and not just breathe.

A little late, but I am realising this. And learning the lessons of life bit by bit, new chapters each day. Life is about turning pages and trying to revise what we learned from the previous chapter.

Continue reading

Those 4 Years

It’s been 4 years since I started working. I can still recall what exactly I was sitting in the office at this time- struggling with bulky files given and trying to figure out what data I’m supposed to pick up.

I reached office and was welcomed by Boss and other colleagues. I was given bulky files to go through and work on them and that’s how my day started. I’ll never ever forget those days! They taught me a lot… hardships, struggle, friendship, standing for your friends, value of money, savings, home-made food, happiness even in limited resources.

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I faced difficult times too. Things improved later on and I started getting my salary. Those were times when I was really happy even after facing such difficult times and without many amenities. I never cribbed that I don’t have that fancy job and salary package, but I was happy and that I feel was enough to get me going. I still strongly feel that that was the best phase of life in terms of everything. Continue reading

Taking A Break & I Am Still Changing

How I’ve missed this place! I’m sorry, the whole week was pretty hectic. Taking care of business, you know how it is. However, it’s not a reason for not posting here, is it?

Well, my excuse is that I’ve been experiencing quite an intense energy shift these past few days and I needed time to adjust to this new level of thoughts.

I have yet to find the words to be able to share my current journey with you in ways that will make sense and help with raising the vibrations of the field.

Although, I feel the vibrations rising internally. My mind is going places I never thought possible.

I have been told from the starting, that life gets better. This is just a phase and it will pass. Everything happens for good, you just don’t realise the good part until you’ve been through the bad. Continue reading

You Don’t Have to Like Me

Some days I feel alone, other-days I’d rather be alone. Some days I want to move out and make friends, other days I question these things, do I have to? does it matter?

I really do love my space, I have few friends. I have never been scared of being alone, it gets lonely sometimes but I don’t mind anymore, am I becoming a recluse  because I find myself not even caring for company, the only company I really want isn’t available and I just can’t bring myself to invite other people to my corner. Continue reading

I Can Survive Anything

Okay. So here we are again. I don’t really know what this post will be about yet but I had the “urge” or need to write for over a week now. At first, I had another topic in mind, which eventually never happened because I either was too tired or afraid to write it down – you never know who will read your blog in the end and how they’ll see you afterwards. I concluded that I can’t force specific topics and issues, so whenever I feel to write or talk about something, I will do it. And if I just want to ramble, I will do it.

And today I will ramble and probably talking a lot of nonsense. This is just because I have so much going on. I can feel my mood swinging very often and just be mentally exhausted. I know for a fact that I am not physically tired, even though I rarely get my 8 hours sleep. Sometimes I’m just tired of having to function, to work, socialize, walk around or even send a simple message via WhatsApp. I don’t know which is worse; being in a room full of people, or being alone with my thoughts. Both are debilitating. I could stay in bed all day and still be tired. Tired and unsatisfied.

It’s been a while since I journaled. How have I been doing? Really well, thanks for asking. It’s been hella busy, but I’m handling things better than I thought I would.

I did have a meltdown in the beginning of the year when I was suddenly hit with all the shit I had to do. I felt myself sinking, and I thought I wouldn’t be able to get out.

But I did. I always do. Continue reading