Goodbye 2019

Oh wait…

Okay, Heni, how cynical can I possibly be?

It might be cynical, but people think a new year and new beginnings, instantly translates into a new them. They put so much pressure on themselves, because of a date, setting resolutions that aren’t attainable because the expectations are to high and the steps to vague. Frustration sets in and the bandwagon everyone jumped on, they are now jumping off.

I am all for positive thinking, but I also don’t live by the motto that a new year means all the miseries of the prior year have been erased. It would be lovely if it did, but we can’t erase chapters out of our story. Life doesn’t work that way. You can’t skip a chapter. Continue reading

What about finding the beauty in our every day lives?

Mundane
Adjective

  1. Lacking interest or excitement; dull.

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Let’s face it — life can be mundane sometimes. There’s the day in, day out shuffle of work or school or whatever else it is you do on a daily basis and no matter what you do to try to spice things up, things will probably start to feel boring at some point. Often we can get caught up thinking that if we lived in a busier city or a more beautiful area we would be able to take more amazing pictures or videos. Lately however I’ve been finding myself appreciating the mundane everyday scenes in my life and using the techniques I have learned to capture them in the most visually pleasing way possible at the given time. This has given me a whole new respect for photography/videography and the gorgeous scenes around me that I overlook on a regular basis.

This appreciation of the mundane has taught me a lot in the way of composing my shots and respecting where the light is falling to get the best photo/video possible of something that is ultimately quite boring. As with all art there is no failing but the exercise itself is a great way to learn more about light and capturing it through a photo/video. And also as a way to express what you think looks interesting.

Even if you don’t think the result is a breathtaking photo/video simply enjoy the process of composing a shot. This approach takes away the pressure we put on ourselves. If you don’t mind check out my Youtube video “‌Heni Eka Sari”. :p

The other day on Tumblr, I spotted this intriguing photograph created by Amanda Mabel and it got me to thinking: why can’t I find more magic in the mundane? I ask this question not in the sense of why doesn’t the magic exist, but in the sense of why can’t I personally find the magic that’s already there. Continue reading

So Far, So Good, What’s Next?

Now, you know I’m a planner. I like lists and calendars and color coding by subject. So, once I recognized what I can and cannot change, I broke it down further. I ask loads of questions.

I know that. Y’all know that. My family and friends know that. But what’s different about this process is that I answered my own questions.

I asked and answered questions to come up with a plan. I used the same system of dividing the page in my journal so I could see it all together. Continue reading

Motherhood & Work: How I Survive

I am not a supermom. Supermom doesn’t exist in my house. I’m a juggler. A multi-tasker. A problem-solver. But I’m not a “Supermom” — or this idea of a woman unharmed by the stress of working motherhood.

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As a lot of working moms know, being an “everything mom” (as I call it) comes at the expense of my own mental health. Stress is among the leading causes of physical and emotional health decline in the realm of motherhood, and yet we continue to pour ourselves into everything we do like unintentional martyrs — because it’s expected of us. Continue reading

Making Conscious Choices

Some days I am in a good place, some days I am not. Today is one of those days I am not.

I haven’t had a lot of good days lately, sigh, I am so tired. I don’t believe I am not a fun person, I try not to get attached easily and definitely not impulsive, so that’s why I keep asking myself how I got here. I have always been saving myself from experiencing the things I feel right now, I am so upset and it makes me angry that I am.

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So why do I feel like the weight of the world is on my shoulders, I find it hard to cry, tears won’t come, I am so tired. This is the part where I go numb and say fuck it. I probably don’t make sense to you right now, that’s the point. Continue reading

Another Life Update

Wow, the universe has really been testing me lately, persistent in making sure that I go solo and ride the waves of instability – all the while standing on my own two left feet, juggling all kinds of shit. I’m no longer complaining. I know that with every hardship comes a valuable lesson. It’s true that self discovery and self love is a journey, with no destination; I may as well as enjoy it.

This is great. My break is still ongoing with still so many more days (actually weeks!) left and I almost feel like I’m getting a chance to reconnect with myself again. Continue reading

Hope, In Times of Darkness

Some time ago, I had gone through something that nearly pushed me over the edge. It was something that I never expected, nor had any idea how to deal with. Someone very close to my heart made some bad decisions and threw her own life into a chaotic whirlpool, at the same time turning my life upside down.

This post is not about that person or the events that took place but rather the effect it had on me and my own life.

I had never in my life been so depressed. Not many people knew, just family and very close friends. I couldn’t talk about it without crying. I couldn’t go anywhere without crying. I couldn’t think straight. I couldn’t focus. I wasn’t able to sleep. I couldn’t eat. I was in a daze. Continue reading

Turn the pages…

Life? What exactly is life? There is so much more in life than what we see. Life is beyond people we think are important, but they are not. Life is something we need to live and not just breathe.

A little late, but I am realising this. And learning the lessons of life bit by bit, new chapters each day. Life is about turning pages and trying to revise what we learned from the previous chapter.

Continue reading

Those 4 Years

It’s been 4 years since I started working. I can still recall what exactly I was sitting in the office at this time- struggling with bulky files given and trying to figure out what data I’m supposed to pick up.

I reached office and was welcomed by Boss and other colleagues. I was given bulky files to go through and work on them and that’s how my day started. I’ll never ever forget those days! They taught me a lot… hardships, struggle, friendship, standing for your friends, value of money, savings, home-made food, happiness even in limited resources.

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I faced difficult times too. Things improved later on and I started getting my salary. Those were times when I was really happy even after facing such difficult times and without many amenities. I never cribbed that I don’t have that fancy job and salary package, but I was happy and that I feel was enough to get me going. I still strongly feel that that was the best phase of life in terms of everything. Continue reading

Taking A Break & I Am Still Changing

How I’ve missed this place! I’m sorry, the whole week was pretty hectic. Taking care of business, you know how it is. However, it’s not a reason for not posting here, is it?

Well, my excuse is that I’ve been experiencing quite an intense energy shift these past few days and I needed time to adjust to this new level of thoughts.

I have yet to find the words to be able to share my current journey with you in ways that will make sense and help with raising the vibrations of the field.

Although, I feel the vibrations rising internally. My mind is going places I never thought possible.

I have been told from the starting, that life gets better. This is just a phase and it will pass. Everything happens for good, you just don’t realise the good part until you’ve been through the bad. Continue reading