Lately I’ve been…

It is easier to write when you’re in pain. It seems that ideas come easily when you’re sad, angry or devastated. It’s easier to explain the negative feelings rather than the happy ones.

These past few days I’ve been writing and writing but I never really publish it here because I just look at my writings and most of it are sad pieces and I don’t want my blog to be like that, I mean I am trying to have a positive outlook right? But then I realize that when you’re sad, words just comes out naturally and when you’re happy you can’t really explain it. When you’re happy sometimes you have too much words for it that you can’t organize it into writings, you don’t know how to begin to tell an awesome day but when you’re sad you know what to exactly write or say, every word is a vomit, it’s what you really wanted to tell without thinking about it first. At least that’s how I see it. 

Maybe what I’m trying to say here is that it’s more interesting to write about painful stuff, it has different emotions which you can play around. And people mostly relate to these kind of stuff, some people embrace their negative emotions that reading sad writings or watching sad movie for the nth time comforts them (weird way of coping up) I guess sadness over sadness cancels out the sadness and makes them positive after. 

So here’s a life update from my life lately.

Lately I’ve been thinking…

of ways to start writing about what I think. I have so many thoughts but my problem is either how to start writing it or how to finish writing it. If you could see my notes on my phone, there are a lot of unpublished writings. Sometimes, I have so many ideas that I choose to not write at all.

Lately I’ve been wanting…

to get out for awhile, go somewhere peaceful like a remote area and get away from everything just for a little while, to relax and unwind. To sleep and rest and leave and read and write and not exist for awhile lol. But seriously I just want to get away. It’s actually not a want it’s a need. I need to breathe. 

Lately I’ve been feeling…

emotionless, I’m in a point of my life where I don’t really care anymore. I’m neither sad nor happy. I’m waiting for something to happen I just don’t know what it is. It’s really hard to explain what I’ve been feeling lately. It’s like I shut off my emotions, it’s like everything I say and do right now is fake and I act like I do because that’s how normal people should react. I really closed the vents, it’s even harder to write it out when writing was my only way to express how I feel but right now it’s a struggle as well.

Lately, I’ve been doing…

a lot of over thinking which is bad, I’ve also been just writing, watching TV/movies/korean dramas, lying in bed and just waiting for something to come up to break this routine.

Lately, I’ve been hoping…

that things get better.

How’s your life lately?

Aging comes with realizations, mostly about life. As we go through experiences in this life, it changes the things we once believed in. We come to a certain point when we start to question the things that we were sure of and then realize that it’s not the way it’s supposed to be in reality. Our ideals get crushed by this experiences but it’s okay, it’s part of this gigantic uncertain life.

We are not the same person as we were yesterday, everyday something changes little by little that sometimes we are unaware that we are changing and we’re supposed to. We’re supposed to grow and to do that we have to let go and start seeing the wider scale of this life. We’re supposed to find our true selves by forgetting the label they once gave us. We all need to wander for us to find what truly fulfills our desires in life and that often happens with a little sacrifice.

As I grew older I realized that these changes were normal, the sadness and frustrations comes along with it. I care more about my wellness than being accepted in this society. I care more about having an inner peace rather than trying to fit in. I changed not because of anger but because I grew older and I started caring more about important things. I’ve cut ties to people who I tried so hard to keep in my life but doesn’t really care if I’m in theirs. I let go of the things that I know will ruin my solitude, I started caring more about myself and I think it’s the greatest thing I ever did. I’ve never really cared about myself before but now it’s the greatest investment I made.

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