There are a lot of things that I don’t do because I’m too scared, too anxious, too shy, too worrisome, too this or too that. Not the right fit. Not the right person. Not the right personality. Not the right ambition. I endlessly drive myself crazy thinking of what ifs – what if it goes wrong, what if it doesn’t work out, what if it’s the worst decision of my life, what if I instantly regret it or come to regret it later down the line, what if I wish I hadn’t done it, what if I’m so embarrassed I never want to talk about it again. What if?
I have goals in life that I could list down for you if you asked me, but in the back of my head I’m realistic in the sense that I don’t believe these things will actually happen. Things like that don’t happen to people like me.
I often wonder what my life would be like if someone else was in my body, or to put it in a simpler way, if I was in someone else’s body. If I was born as so and so person, would I have achieved the same things they did? I guess that’s the entire point of being an individual. We can look the same and be entirely dissimilar. A body is a body but only a shell. Our memories, experiences, achievements, hopes and dreams.. that’s what makes us. Breaking out of routine is hard, especially when it brings you comfort.
There comes a moment in your life when you realise that you need to start putting yourself first. Mine was very recently. I’ve spent a lot of time focused on making other people happy, and moving my life around to suit their needs. But it’s about time I start focusing on myself and putting my own needs first for once.
I’m a self proclaimed introvert – that can act like an extrovert when the situation requires it. So I’m naturally pretty happy with my own company. If anything when I’ve not go my own space or I’ve not been given time to myself for awhile I can get really frustrated.
So now, when the whole nation (and world to an extent) are stuck inside either on their own or with family, I’m grateful for how young I was when I learnt to be content with my own company. But it’s also making me realise how much I crave that alone time when nobody is able to leave the house.
In a bid to stay productive and do my bit in helping others during this pandemic situation I wanted to share my tips on how I became happy with my own company.
I feel like I need to write a post because…I haven’t written anything in what feels like ages. I’m not sure why. Honestly, I feel like I have nothing to talk about right now, my creativity bubble in the writing department has completely burst. I was constantly inspired and filled with creativity but I feel like now the world is really taking its toll on me and I’m like…do I believe in magic anymore, though? The world is so cold and even the nice things can’t keep my mind off it for too long. There’s too many bigger things going on for me to sit here daydreaming.
I keep writing things but I’m like eh…I don’t wanna post that, mainly because it’s not substantial enough for a blog post and it feels boring and flat and it’s just not the type of stuff I’m trying to put out. I feel like nothing is really happening right now for me to talk about. Is this what it feels like to be truly sucked into the void? I feel like I’m losing interest in a lot of things right now too and that anything I am currently writing is depressing anyway and again, I’m not trying to post stuff like that.
I wanna be happy for once. Pls go away my anxiety. I’m sure you’re all aware that one of the symptoms of this illness is losing interesting in things you used to love and I’m…trying to fight that really hard right now. It’s heavy.
I think one of the biggest forms of flattery is when someone wants to hear your insight about something because they value what your opinions are. A friend messaged me the other day and asked what my thoughts are regarding the digital marketing strategy for her brand – because she “wants to hear what I say.” FYI my side job is in the digital marketing industry. Same goes when another close friend replied to my IG Story that “she missed reading my opinion and insights on things” when I shared something personal.
The reason why I appreciate it so much is maybe because out of the five love languages, mine is Words of Affirmation. I feel loved through words. I get so touched and flattered whenever someone gives a compliment on my works, and I’m not kidding when I say it makes my day because it actually does. When someone asks for my opinion on things, I feel valued and I feel like what I say actually makes sense.