TURNING 30

“We have to be able to grow up. Our wrinkles are our medals of the passage of life. They are what we have been through and who we want to be.” ~ Lauren Hutton

I don’t know many people who get excited about aging. Birthdays, yes. That number that changes each year, no. Yet, there are some great benefits that come with. No, not the grey hair or the wrinkles. But inner wisdom that can only be gained by years lived. The most important one: Self Confidence.

I have always considered birthdays more of a milestone then the changing of the year. Yes, a new year begins with people making all of these resolutions, as well as annoyingly struggling to remember to write the correct date. But it is birthdays, especially as we age which can bring many more important milestones to mark the passage of time and growth then any resolution. It is our younger selves that as we gain freedom, we learn and grow and as adults we (hopefully) gain more wisdom.

Aging can be controversial. I know many people who hate it. While I might joke about it, I have never been in that category. And now that I am “old,” each year I get is a true blessing. One I don’t take for granted, because so many people don’t get to see another year. Yes, old age brings that thing called adulting, as well as all the wrinkles and gray hair, oopps! But adulting, that word society thinks is so dirty, is incredibly freeing, empowering and confidence building if we are willing to embrace it.

As frustrating as it can be, it is also the path I have taken in my story. Just a continuation of all the many chapters I am accumulating and with the vexing moments, comes reminders to breathe, to practice calmness, to be okay in the – at times imperfect – moment. Reminders the universe seems to think I need to keep practicing this last year. And I probably do. Life is imperfectly perfect and it reminds us of that every single day.

Adulting isn’t always fun, but it has to be done. Like all things in life there is the good and the bad and eventually the two balance each other out. As a Gemini, I am ALL about finding that balance. There are times where you have to walk down the road life is telling you to go, no matter how much you may not want to. For if you don’t, it will still do it for you without that illusion of choice. Life keeps going. It goes and goes and you can take control of the ride and create a narrative you enjoy, or you can hang on tight as it drags you along and be miserable with no control.

Admittedly, there are some things we can’t control, but the control we do have is our reactions to what happens. We write the remaining narrative of what life has dealt us. We take that tragedy, or that unpleasantness, even just the every day annoyances, and we are responsible for ultimately choosing how we will respond to it. Whether it is a positive or negative force and whether it is authentic to who we are as a person.

But 30 is the year that I truly take control of my own narrative. The last couple months have shown me how much strength I have gained from having to hold my own. I could have written a negative narrative, instead I am looking at the positive and reflecting.

I am looking at the reflections as neither negative nor positive, but just what is. Twenty-nine was one heck of a crazy roller coaster. One that ultimately I am grateful for, because it was character building. I can go forward without bitterness, anger, and even longing, because I am in charge of my story, and I know I deserve the best and I will find it.

Change is insanely scary. But it is also necessary. This year I am stepping out of my comfort zone in ways I never thought I ever would. But I know I can do it. Even if I fall, which let’s be real, I probably will, because that is life, I will get back up and continue to write my narrative. Not because I am a woman, but because of what being a woman has taught me the last 29 years. I am woman. I can do it. And I will.

Happy 30 years old to me. Yes, I’m that old now.

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