This may sound silly to some but yes, self care guilt is a thing. I’ve experienced it for as long as I can remember. Taking care of me fully is a new concept in my world. I’ve always done things for me but I always did more for others.
There was a time when I thought that giving much of myself to everyone else was the right thing to do. I always seemed to have more of something than someone else who needed it. What I’ve come to realise though, is that no matter how much you give, it will never be enough. There will always be a hand outstretched once you’re willing to give.
Ultimately you are the only person responsible for making sure you’re okay. Not your friends, your spouse, your boss or anyone. I had a habit of always pegging my happiness on some one or some thing. It was always ‘if my boss would act right, I’d be so much happier’ or ‘if my husband or friend would only pay me the attention I deserve, I’d be much more content’.
And can we talk about the never ending need to be busy all the time? What is it with us that we wear being busy like a badge of honor? Why is it that some us see being busy as an indication of how successful and accomplished we are? Why do we run ourselves ragged all to say in the end ‘OMG I’ve been SO BUSY!!’. Man I did that all. the. time. I would pack my days and weekends with all sorts of volunteer work and hobbies and deep down inside I couldn’t wait for the seasons to end.
These days I still share and be the dutiful listening ear, but only if it’s not putting my mental and emotional health at a disadvantage. I think about me first in every situation and decide whether I want to be a part of it or not. It may sound selfish but I can say that the quality of my life has improved 10 fold.
I spent a lot of time over the years doing things I didn’t care to do and was absolutely miserable. I’d always be left doing something I hated or at an event when I’d have rather be in my bed. I made a deal with myself this year to say no without explanation. To stop making excuses and just say ‘hey, maybe next time’. The end.
I’ve stopped feeling badly about splurging on foods when I know there’s a friend who may be tight on cash. I have stopped feeling bad for saying no to keeping someone company at an event I have no interest in. I’ve started saying ‘sure why not’ when I see a sweater I like. And have stayed indoors even when the sun is out because I’d rather cozy up with a book. Because well, I deserve it. I have made decisions to make the chances of me having the life I want stand a bit higher, and I should not feel badly about that. If I don’t take care of me, there’ll be no me to give. And that’s not something I care to entertain at the moment.
As we’re talking self care, I’ve been doing a few things lately to sustain my happy and healthy place. And I’m doing a lot of sitting around like a potato lately. My mind and body is thanking me. Am I the only one that needs some sort of evening routine in order to function the next day?
I always have a plan for my day, even if that plan is to do nothing. That gets my productivity levels up and ensures that I actually do something with my life. Again, even if that something is to do nothing.
My daily routines are very simple and come naturally. Didn’t even think of them as routines until I was completely thrown off because of something I skipped out. Care to see what my grandiose (sure) evening routine is? Well…
Get home | I usually get home during dusk on most days. At which time I toss my backpack, kick my shoes off and just plop on the couch. Where I stare aimlessly at nothing in particular for 5 minutes.
Connect | If my husband is home already or when he gets there, we chat and catch up on our days for maybe an hour or so. This part is crucial because it’s when we vent the most. We hate to carry stress or anger late into our evening. So we get it out early. Lol.
Dinner | We have dinner in bedroom (dining table where?)
Other Work | Here is where we catch up on other work (I tell you what is life without more than one job?). Iting retreats into his corner catching up on work and I do my blog stuff and whatever else is out there.
Alone time | By this time it’s usually around 9:30 and here is where we retreat to our own spaces. I get into bed where he will come chat for five minutes or so then he heads back out to either work or watch YouTube. I use this alone time to read, catch up on news and gossip, scroll through social media and just reflect on my day. This time in particular is important for both of us. We’ve been dealing with people all day, and then each other, so now we need time, for just ourselves.
Sleep | I usually fall asleep within an hour. And bam! Evening routine over!
It works for us. And I see it working for a long time. It keeps us happy, sane, grounded and refreshed. Of course I can’t tell you everrrrryyyything, but these are the basics of my evening routine. I’d love to hear your evening routine. What’s the one thing you need to do every evening? What about you? Do you ever feel bad when practicing self care?
Thanks for stopping by!