Happy 1st Birthday Chiara

Dear Chiara,

I could still feel those goosebumps I had when I heard your heart beats for the first time. From the moment we found out that you would soon be joining our life I felt so blessed, so thrilled! I can hardly believe that today you are One already.

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It seems as though it was just yesterday that you were placed in my arms, though, and I know that you were always meant to be mine. I never knew growing old can be so mesmerizing, but you redefined it. And I must tell you that I love and enjoying every bit of it. I feel so complete.

I remember a friend asking me a few weeks after you were born, “How is motherhood?’ and I wanted to say, ‘It’s wonderful, even better than I imagined,” because that sounded like an appropriate response. But it wasn’t the whole truth. So I said, “I’m obsessed with her,” because I was, I marveled at your every move and watched your every sleeping breath.

The learning curve of motherhood has actually been much steeper than I anticipated. You discovered the best in me. From being a carefree to caring, dependent to responsible, practical to emotional, lazy to active, weak to strong, difficult to understanding, messy to perfect girl. Miracles do happen, only angel is needed, and I have you!

From sleepless nights to changing diapers, from running behind you to decoding your alien language, from dancing with you to putting you to sleep, from feeding you to bathing you, keeping things in pace is a roller coaster. And it is unbelievable how much you inspire me every day, and in how many ways.

I never felt the need before but now, I want to be perfect. I want to be someone who you could be proud of. I want to be that place in your life where you can always come when you need unconditional love, understanding and warmth.

I love the way you giggle loudly when you find where I was hiding, the way you shake your body on your favorite beats, the way you pull kitten’s tail, the way you clap your hands, the way you show your tongue, the way you rub your nose over mine, the way you touch the things which I ask not to touch, the way you play in water and wet yourself, the way you used to pull out cap in moment after I wore it to you, the way you pull out bed covers, utensils from kitchen and mix those folded clothes with unfolded ones, the way you have preferred sleeping over me instead of bed and the way you jump in excitement when you see I am back home from office! And how does it matter whether these are right or wrong things, because sweetheart you are enjoying your childhood at the fullest and that’s what really matters!

You are presently at a stage where I wish I could freeze time. It is the most fun stage of all, though I am sure I will say that about each subsequent one. I never want any of this to end. Well, except your bitting. I hope I can hold the beauty of these moments in my heart forever. I hope I can remember much more than a photograph or a video can ever capture.

No matter how old you get I hope you will always let me scoop you up, squeeze you right and kiss those chubby cheeks. In that embrace, the world is perfect. In that embrace, time stands still. I have so much more to say. But this is all that I will say today. Because words can rarely articulate what a heart feels.

Happy 1st Birthday Chiara!

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