Some days I feel alone, other-days I’d rather be alone. Some days I want to move out and make friends, other days I question these things, do I have to? does it matter?
I really do love my space, I have few friends. I have never been scared of being alone, it gets lonely sometimes but I don’t mind anymore, am I becoming a recluse because I find myself not even caring for company, the only company I really want isn’t available and I just can’t bring myself to invite other people to my corner.
I haven’t made new genuine friendship in years now, I have had acquaintances of course but nothing really serious. I realize once we part ways, communication is lost.
This is me, I lie on my bed on weekends with no plans and I can count the number of times I went to mall, I live by certain rules which I try not to break, ugh I don’t have to try, it’s really easy. I overthink a lot and I always weigh my options.
I can’t remember the last time I went window shopping or had fun with friends. My life is a routine, work and sleep. When I am not working, then I am on my bed watching movies, snacking, reading, writing or sleeping. I don’t turn up like we say around here, I plan my outing like days before, I am the definition of alone.
Now the funny thing is I am not sad, I love my life just the way it is, some would say I am wasting my 20’s because they believe this is the only time I can do it. What exactly is ‘it’ lol. These things don’t phase me really, I do what I want because I can, I can’t be another person all because I want to conform.
I am 50% introverted 50% extroverted and I just can’t escape my reality nor fight it. I won’t pretend I like going out to party and rocking loud music, I won’t pretend to like chatty people, I won’t pretend to be outgoing so I can be accepted, It will only make me miserable.
Not many people understand me, some call it pride, others call it crazy or weird. It’s fine, you don’t have to like me. I am good.