How many of you guys out there have been guilty of settling? Raise your hands. I have been guilty of this far too many times. Remember when you were younger and your mother said not to touch the hot stove and you did ?. Sometimes you know better but hey you do things anyway.
Is it laziness? Is it a feeling not being good enough? Why do we settle?
My interpretation of settling is simple. It means putting up with less than you deserve. When you entertain people, thoughts, emotions and circumstances that are not aligned with your true beliefs or goals. Basically, things that have no positive effect on personal growth.
After a little self-reflection, I have determined three reasons why I have settled in the past and what I have learnt. Let me know if you can relate.
1. Thinking being half loved is easier than waiting for the real thing.
I think most of us fear being alone. I look at being single as something to be embraced. Others it seems not so much. So we find ourselves in these situations, not relationships situations.
If you are not satisfied with the person you are with them why are you
with them? Out of boredom? Lack of common sense?
Some types of love I think we can do without. Sometimes we feel like we are missing out on something. Loneliness kicks in mixed with a dose of desperation. We drink this dangerous cocktail and before we know it we are hooking up with someone totally unsuitable.
What I have learned from past relationships:
It is ok to wait.
You are not missing out.
You will waste your entire life trying to convince someone to love and value you.
You can not find in another person what you feel is missing in yourself.
No one can fulfil you completely, if you are not happy with yourself .
Unless of course they are dipped in gold, dripping with diamonds covered in chocolate or have unicorn abilities.
Everything you need is already inside you. When I was younger I had this view that being single somehow meant something was wrong with me or that I was not lovable. Low self-esteem or lack of confidence in myself I think was the root cause of this. I was shy and awkward and just a general nerdy mess. Not everyone that makes these big declarations of love actually knows what real love is. I think we all have learnt that the hard way.
I believe in life you must have a vision for yourself. A certain standard. If someone or something does not synchronize with that standard then cut them off. Throw that negativity in the trash.
At the end of the day when you settle; you just are hurting your own spirit. Your own emotional health. Is that what self-care and self-love are about? Guarding your heart your spirit and preserving that beautiful part of your essence?
Ask yourself :
Am I giving too much?
Are my needs being fulfilled?
Is this person or situation really worth all the drama?
Unless your life is a reality show, the drama would be where it is at.Our instincts always guide us. Most of the time we know the answers to these questions and chose to ignore them.
2. Being too comfortable stifles growth.
Having a routine is always the safe route. You get stuck in a routine that works and you are like meh. I will just stay here for a while. A while can up being indefinite. This is how we end up being stuck and getting complacent. We don’t want to strive for more. Let’s be honest, trying new things and accomplishing goals is never easy. If only we all had a fairy godmother or a genie in a bottle life would be so much simpler right?
What I have learned from being stuck in a comfort zone:
You never know what you are capable of. What hidden potential you have buried inside you never push past your limits. No growth is ever achieved being stuck in one place. Don’t make excuses. Find solutions. You can come up with a million reasons why something will go wrong . You only need one good reason to start on the path of the fulfilment of your dreams.
In lazy mode, the comfort zone we are basically hamsters on a wheel to nowhere. Think of a routine or the comfort zone as a desert you know how the saying goes. Nothing ever grows there. Take a step, just one. Imagine how much better your life will be if you do.
3. Don’t let fear cripple you.
I am talking about the irrational fear that takes hold and our imaginations and not in a good way. Fear is like a prison. It leaves is trapped much like being too comfortable. We are stationary making no moves fearing what could go wrong. Fear of failure or looking stupid is what holds us back from grabbing the reigns of our dreams and just riding with them. Really ? What have you got to lose? Face your fears. Let them be your catalyst. Let them push you.
What I have learnt from fear:
Sometimes the familiar is the very thing that is holding us back. Adventure is found when stepping into the unknown. Half of the thing we imagine will go wrong never actually do. There is no such thing as an easy road in life. You have nothing to lose in this life. So give it all you have. Settling in life is the same thing as giving up. It is like repeating the affirmation I am not good enough. Life tends to send back to us whatever message we are sending out. Is that the life story you want?
If u feel you are receiving less than you deserve; have the courage to speak up. Just walk away. The unknown is scary but you know what is even more frightening? Being stuck where you are not really wanted or celebrated. Not living up to your true potential. You are not second best. Put yourself first. Don’t settle until you get what your heart and soul truly desires.
Have you ever settled? What has it taught you?
Have A Sweet Thursday Everyone. 🖤