So Far, So Good, What’s Next?

Now, you know I’m a planner. I like lists and calendars and color coding by subject. So, once I recognized what I can and cannot change, I broke it down further. I ask loads of questions.

I know that. Y’all know that. My family and friends know that. But what’s different about this process is that I answered my own questions.

I asked and answered questions to come up with a plan. I used the same system of dividing the page in my journal so I could see it all together. Continue reading

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My early morning thoughts … Because why would anyone like to get a normal amount of sleep?

My mind can really be a bit rude from time to time! Just as I decide to get a normal (ish) amount of sleep, I start overthinking. Then I’m spinning around my bed like a little possessed demon (whooops, that’s a specificly described image) and I KNOW there is no chance in Hell that I’m actually going to fall asleep anytime soon. The best thing I can do is open up this page and put some thoughts down.

There’s a lot of pressure in being mature. I don’t know how were you guys raised (or how are you raising your children), but I do feel that – as a society – we often push maturity onto kids and teenagers. Of course it’s best if we learn some responsibility from young age, because we can continue to build from a foundation, which is very important. If your parents pamper you too much, chances are you will grow into an arrogant, spoiled adult. It isn’t the rule, but that’s normally what happens.

But … While taking responsibility for our action and being taught about it is very important, I also feel like there’s too much pressure in being mature. Continue reading

How Growing Up Feels Like

I am in that stage of life when I am constantly changing: growing up and trying to embrace myself with every version of who I might be. And I am not the only one that is changing. Everyone and everything is.

When I was younger, my circle of trust was bigger than it is now. We were all talking about problems to everyone we knew and to whoever was even slightly considered as our friend. Well, our problems used to be different back then anyway. As I started growing up, I had a phase when I couldn’t trust anyone. I was feeling a little blue. I was feeling like I was abandoned by myself and anyone that knew me. I closed myself in and that forced me to learn to trust myself and just solve my issues by my own. When I learned to do that (and it indeed took me some time), I was luckily able to abandon that phase and move on.

Then … I became a mix of my young and my blue self. Which basically leads me to my present self.

My present self likes to manage issues on my own as much as that is possible. I like having myself as a best friend. I have to be confident and happy enough to trust myself. But I also understand one thing my blue self never did. We can’t solve everything by our own. We need people who will be by our side and support us. We need people who are able to either subjective or objective give us advices. When we are ready, of course. Continue reading

The Struggle Behind Being Honest On The Social Media


I write a lot about my feelings – on WordPress, Twitter, Instagram, other social outlets … I don’t really hold back, because I feel like I always have quite a lot to say and connecting with other people simply makes you feel … Lighter, easier. Now, here is this – I have to admit that I feel more comfortable sharing through writing than I do through a conversation in real life. Because of this, I feel like a hypocrite whenever I write something and end up posting it, but I know I haven’t talked about it in real life.

The consequence is that there are people out there, on the internet, who might know me better than some of my “real life friends” do. Reasons for this are endless – I don’t trust some people, I don’t feel close enough to some others, I am not in the rightmoodto talk about something … It all depends.

It’s hard to talk about something important to people that you only go out for drink with or to people that you haven’t seen in ages. Either there is nothing to talk about because of the distance between you or there is toomuchto talk about. In the latter, you simply cannot cover all the topics, so you start with the easier and less important ones, then usually run out of time for the things that actually matter. Continue reading

Can we get bored of certain people?

I’ve been asking myself whether it’s possible to simply get bored of certain people. I can say one thing: I no longer stick to the same group of people I used to. I think the reason that people we spend time with often change is the fact that we’re becoming adults, we’re changing and evolving and sometimes we no longer suit together. So … It’s understandable that you could possibly get bored  of certain people, because of many reasons:

  1. You start valuing different things (from money to friends and boyfriends/girlfriends).
  2. You have different hobbies and spend your free time very differently.
    And so on, probably.

My main question now is, does that change with age?

Because, I don’t think people ever stop evolving, changing. It’s easy to be “friends” with people on college/ a job, with people you met on concerts … Because you know you have something in common and you have topics to talk about. Then again, those people don’t necessarily have to be your friends, because it takes so much more to call someone a friend. However, you can have a fallout with a good friend just as easily as you can realize that an acquantaince can become a friend. Continue reading

Motherhood & Work: How I Survive

I am not a supermom. Supermom doesn’t exist in my house. I’m a juggler. A multi-tasker. A problem-solver. But I’m not a “Supermom” — or this idea of a woman unharmed by the stress of working motherhood.

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As a lot of working moms know, being an “everything mom” (as I call it) comes at the expense of my own mental health. Stress is among the leading causes of physical and emotional health decline in the realm of motherhood, and yet we continue to pour ourselves into everything we do like unintentional martyrs — because it’s expected of us. Continue reading

Hey, How Are You?

“Hey, how are you?” 

“I’m fine.”

How many times have you said this line? “I’m Fine.” I know I have said it multiple times. I always tell other people I’m fine whenever they ask me how I am. But it’s a lie. I read an article about the things we lie about everyday and “I’m fine” is one of them. 

Although I laughed out loud, I realised that I lie. I lie about my feelings to other people. Other people lie about their feelings to me. We all lie. We create this public persona that has to be a perfect. Why should other people know that I’m having a rough day? I want to be fun and cool, not the person who complains about their problems. This is what we all think.  Continue reading

Sense of being FREE

 What does “Being and feeling FREE mean ? “…I’ve been have having this question, unanswered for a very long time. In day to day life, we see and meet new people who perfectly finish their given task, as well as have time for fun, even in between those pressure filled situations.

Does that mean people who handle stressful situation well are all ‘feeling free’ all the time ?

In the game of running behind success and getting hold of recognition, people seem to be happy and enjoy their every moment in life. Then, does that mean they are all feeling “free” by doing whatever they wish and whatever pleases them ? Continue reading

Making Conscious Choices

Some days I am in a good place, some days I am not. Today is one of those days I am not.

I haven’t had a lot of good days lately, sigh, I am so tired. I don’t believe I am not a fun person, I try not to get attached easily and definitely not impulsive, so that’s why I keep asking myself how I got here. I have always been saving myself from experiencing the things I feel right now, I am so upset and it makes me angry that I am.

Image from here

So why do I feel like the weight of the world is on my shoulders, I find it hard to cry, tears won’t come, I am so tired. This is the part where I go numb and say fuck it. I probably don’t make sense to you right now, that’s the point. Continue reading

Another Life Update

Wow, the universe has really been testing me lately, persistent in making sure that I go solo and ride the waves of instability – all the while standing on my own two left feet, juggling all kinds of shit. I’m no longer complaining. I know that with every hardship comes a valuable lesson. It’s true that self discovery and self love is a journey, with no destination; I may as well as enjoy it.

This is great. My break is still ongoing with still so many more days (actually weeks!) left and I almost feel like I’m getting a chance to reconnect with myself again. Continue reading